Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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