it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
