Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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