the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
