I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
