So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
