I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My bed smells like the plague
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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