It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"