Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me