It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?