Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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