someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
