Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
