I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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