Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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