Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
