He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
