I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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