just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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