can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
