So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
