before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
