we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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