her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
