ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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