Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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