the condom got lost in my hair
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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