Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
