I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
