Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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