his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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