u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
