hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
