she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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