there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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