Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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