Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
