my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
