Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
