I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
