I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
