I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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