I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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