Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
