Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
