She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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