Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
