And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
