R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
