A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
