Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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