Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
