just tell him i said nine months
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
