Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
