At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
