We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
