i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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