Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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