i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
