I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
