Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
