my mouth tastes like poor choices
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
