How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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