If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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