Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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