I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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