everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you will always have a special place in my vag
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
