oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
