i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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